One approach to unrealistic beliefs is to focus on what Pamela Butler (1981) calls “drivers,” beliefs that may motivate you to act in ways that are self-defeating. Because these drivers set unrealistically high standards, they make it impossible for you to accomplish the very things you feel are essential for approval by others and by yourself.
Recognizing that you may have internalized such drivers is the first step to eliminating them. The second step involves recognizing that these drivers are in fact unrealistic and self-defeating. The third step is to substitute realistic and self-affirming beliefs for these self-defeating drivers. How would you rephrase each of these five drivers into realistic and productive beliefs?
1.The drive to be perfect impels you to try to perform at unrealistically high levels at work, school, and home; anything short of perfection is unacceptable.
2.The drive to be strong tells you that weakness and any of the more vulnerable emotions like sadness, compassion, or loneliness are wrong.
3.The drive to please others leads you to seek approval from others; you assume that if you gain the approval of others, then you’re a worthy and deserving person, and if others disapprove of you, then you’re worthless and undeserving.
4.The drive to hurry up compels you to do things quickly, to do more than can be reasonably expected in any given amount of time.
5.The drive to try hard makes you take on more responsibilities than any one person can be expected to handle.
I would have never thought of these as "self defeating behaviors" until we discussed them in class. Even though I like things "nice and organized", I am not bothered by imperfection. As I reviewed these 5 behaviors, I think the one I would be most likely to exhibit would be #5, the drive to try hard. I think I take on a lot of responsibilities, but I like being busy. I work a full time job, a part time job, go to school full time, and volunteer for Hospice...and even other responsibilities. Most people think I am "soooo busy", but I don't feel stressed. I take everyday one day at a time. My motivation for doing so much is that it is all a means to an end. However, I do love the journey. I am very, very happy in life. I feel that right now I am doing what I have to do to get to where I want to be.
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